Over 25 years ago, I literally woke up and didn’t know who I was. The amnesia I had was not neurological; it was a deeper loss of identity. Honestly, I didn’t know what my purpose was in life and it was causing me great pain. So, that morning, I raised my arms to the sky and yelled to God–“Show me who I am!” Be careful what you say to God. He really hears us and over a period of 7 years; my true self was revealed. The image I had of myself conflicted with the truth and this was very painful. Not only did I have to face my innate fears–ALL OF THEM; I had to face every lie as well. God is not going to help you until you truly see what he sees. And that can be scary. There was a lot in me that I never even knew could destroy me if I hadn’t had this spiritual confrontation. That morning became the beginning of my evolution.
And I couldn’t hide either. Nope. God broke the facade–in front of others. There were many embarrassing moments. I had a lot to clean up. Now…I know some of you are wondering what in the world was it God was making me face. Well, first, I always thought of myself as “a nice girl.” Humph. This was the biggest lie. Deep down, I had a lot of anger in me. It had been caused by hurt and I wasn’t allowing myself to speak the truth about it. This period in my life was tumultuous. There were many relationships in my life that had injured my spirit and people that had caused them. I had to face that. Because of this pain; I had become dysfunctional in some ways. It cost me some new friendships, but I did have a couple of people in my life who supported me. However, most of the time, I went through everything alone. Perhaps it was necessary.
One of the most deceptive things that we do is to attach ourselves to people and things that keep us from facing the truth. That was immediately removed for me.
The other thing that happened to me was that I had to listen to my soul. I had to get in touch with that inner voice.
Truly, it was a process, but when you ask God for clarity; he makes you face that person in the mirror.
I thank him for keeping me strong. I didn’t have a desire to turn to drugs and alcohol or abuse my body with multiple sexual partners. I took all the blows because I had to.
God is sometimes called the ” The Great Potter” There is an analogy here: Before you can mold clay into anything; you have to pound it many times so that you can form it into a design. This is what God does to us.
Lord, I sometimes felt so lost. There were many times I didn’t know where I was going, but all of those detours led me to find my true purpose. It took some time, but I finally got there.
I thank God for hearing me that morning.
“We are the clay, and thou are Potter; and we all are the work of thy hand.” Isaiah 64:8
I would have never become the writer I am today had I not gone through all of this…