And I’m not playing either.
Tis the season…and it is on the mind of every Cook: to prepare a wonderful meal that everyone loves and brags about forever.
That is…if you come from a family of good cooks.
I’m a southerner. And I’m going to let some of you in on a little secret: southern people will forgive you for every sin a man/woman can commit, but Lord have mercy on your soul! if you mess up a meal. We don’t play that! Trust me on this. We will talk about you like a dog, and you will never be allowed within a foot of anyone’s kitchen or barbecue ever in life. That’s a promise. You see; cooking is how we socialize in the south. It’s our heritage. Our culture–a means of communication and expression of love.
People who can’t cook are a pariah here. There’s no place for them in anyone’s home or community. They must be purged before they do real harm.
I know that some of you are snickering. Go head and laugh…but the joke will be on you if you ever make the mistake of bringing burnt food or food that a dog would sniff and literally choke from the whiff of your culinary catastrophe.
Thanksgiving is just a few weeks away and although it’s a joy for most people; many are dreading having to be subjected to yet another bad meal. Why even go? Because…it’s family. That’s what we’ve been told all of our lives, but how many of you even think of the many people who’ve been shot because of bad food? People go crazy when they’re hungry. How many think of the homes that have burned down because some loony didn’t read the directions of how long you keep the damn turkey in the oven?
True story: About 12 years ago, I actually had to spend 3 days in the hospital after Thanksgiving. When I arrived, I overheard two nurses talking about a man and a woman who had been admitted Thanksgiving night because the husband became irate with his wife over her bad cooking.
The nightmare. Dear God! Save us All!
Another secret: Children will love you if you prepare good meals. They’ll talk about it all of their lives. Family and friends will always welcome you when they know that you are a food master or sort of there, but regardless; the bottom line is that good cooking is the key to great relationships, people.
So as I prepare my Thanksgiving menu…I just wanted to take some time from choosing what desserts I’m adding along with the rest of the meal; to stress those of you who have the audacity to try and do a great big dinner this year; think hard about what I’m saying because…quite frankly, many hospital emergency rooms will thank you.