Teaching Our Young Black Boys TO MARRY BLACK WOMEN!

There is nothing more beautiful to me than the Black family and it seem like everyone has been talking about the Black family lately, particularly since the election of Barack Obama as the nations first African American President.  

Black women definitely have gotten too much press lately regarding why so many remain single.

Life is about choice and I feel that the Black family is something to be valued, but when I look at the numbers for how many children in the Black community are being raised by single mothers, I have a solution: MARRY THEIR BLACK FATHERS!!!

Something crossed my mind the other day: frankly, I feel that in many cases, it’s Black women who are teaching their sons to marry non Black women inadvertently by not being married to their children’s Black father.

Real talk.

Babymammas are a symptom of dysfunction, not pride.  The family is the foundation of society and a single woman, without the security of a loving husband to support her and help raise the children she carries in her womb, is literal cultural suicide.

The access to birth control is too readily available to continue the OOW birth cycle. And it’s just foolish to bring children into the world if you can’t take care of them financially.

It’s sad to think of all the Black children growing up without fathers–constantly being reminded of being a symbol of a careless hook-up rather than the joyous result of two married people in love.

Children learn a lot from their parents and one of the things they learn is how to love one another. If a Black child does not see his own mother being loved, cherished and provided for, but he sees his mother alone and abandoned; this becomes the paradigm of how he will view Black women in general. Adding to this, he sees other Black women in his community and family being treated this way–his interpretation becomes that there must be something wrong with Black women, thus, he avoids the thought of being with one.

Statistically, the majority of Black men marry Black women, but if there is some clarity to be offered; If you want your sons to marry Black women–it’s most proactive to perhaps to think about becoming wives before becoming mothers.

So many young Black children watch images every single day that tell them that they are not valued by this society. Many internalize those images. The image of white women typically is that she is the standard of beauty–the one ALL MEN are supposed to desire.   All men don’t desire white women.  But not having balanced images, particularly in the home and community, validate this presumption created through the lens of White America.

We reap what we sew and for those Black mothers who have been forced to accept white daughter-in-laws; perhaps it wouldn’t be the case if your son saw you being the object of his father’s affection.

And our young Black girls would become esteemed in the process by becoming their natural choice for wives.

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20 comments on “Teaching Our Young Black Boys TO MARRY BLACK WOMEN!

  1. I’m amazed, I have to admit. Seldom do I encounter a blog that’s equakly educative and engaging, and
    without a doubt, you have hit the nail on the head.

    The problem is an issue that not enough folks are speaking
    intelligently about. I’m very happy I stumbled across
    this in my hunt for something relating to this.

    Like

  2. L.C. says:

    Part 2:

    It also goes further for some of our black elite & middle class as well. They need to also start teaching our sons to marry black women. Just because you come up doesn’t been drop you black women and get with a white or other woman. You also need self esteem and self love as there is a lot of stuff going on in those black categories as well (almost more.)

    Basically I’m supporting the article written. I liked it very much!

    Like

  3. L.C. says:

    I agree. Certain black women who fall into that particular category need to teach our sons to marry black women. In my opinion this starts with those particular black woman who don’t love themselves. Your children can pick up on all the self hate and low self esteem those particular black mother’s emit. If you can’t love and respect yourself your children will not (male and females.)

    Just my little 2 cents:

    1. Stop dating so many different men and having them in and out of your house and around your children. It’s OK to be alone sometimes. You don’t alway have to have a man at all times. You’re not gonna die and wither away. Love your self and value your self and wait for the right guy who deserves you. This in its self will make most men steep up to the plate.

    2. Stop having so so many baby daddy’s. In today’s day and age there is no reason one can’t take control of their reproduction. Have children when you are mature and ready. This may sounds controversial but in this day and age we live in there’s really no excuse. Educate your girls on contraception. Get them on the pill or shots right away so there is no mistakes teens tend to make (heck adults too.) Teach your boys how to use condoms and take their reproduction serious. Let him understand that his life can be forever changed if he doesn’t take responsibility for his own contraception. Don’t leave it up to the girl to be prepared or even possibly tricked into fatherhood early. They too should be prepared period.

    3. Stop allowing yourselves to be physically and mentally abused by men, especially in front of your children. Don’t let your boys see this as this is how they will treat their future mates. They’ll then start to hate you as the mother in turn hate other black women (when they become of age) because they don’t have respect for you. They think if you don’t respect yourself, and the men you date don’t respect you, then why in the heck should they take a black women who no one including her own self has no respect for. That is one of MANY reason why some of these black boys (and men) are starting to date/marry out the race.

    4. Let your boys/girls have a relationship with their fathers. You are doing a serious disservice to your children if you refuse a father that actually want’s to be apart of their children’s lives. It’s not about you.

    To those particular black women love yourselves and teach your boys that black women are Queens! – Black woman you are a Queen! Black woman your are somebody! Black woman you matter and are wanted! Keep your head high! You deserve the best!

    Like

  4. Nat Turners' Revenge says:

    What about relationships that are stale. With all the talk/comments & (Steve Harvey BS) advice, no one ever mentions attraction. There’s a whole demographic that falls out of love, out of ‘like’ even. What advice would you give them? I know some people that feel they are free & feel they are doing time. Most have mentioned “once the kids graduate…” you know the rest. Do we masquerade to show them what it should/could be if it isn’t that?

    Like

    • truthangel07 says:

      Nat, you get back exactly what you put back into a thing…it’s universal law. People who “fall out of love” were never in love. They just hooked up. Tell the truth. Love is divine. It’s constant. There was never a real relationship–just CIRCUMSTANCES of why a couple got together. People in these relationships are very typical today. It’s very sad. And the only way to solve it is for folks to GET REAL. Having children together is not enough for a man to fall in love with a woman. There has to be genuine commitment there beyond that. You have to generally care about that person’s needs and well being as much as your own. Love does not imprison–it frees. I hope this makes sense to you.

      Like

      • amen we see it all the time with people especially celebs. I see how lauryn hill and her man were together and had all those kids but apparently they weren’t in love as they didn’t get married and he moved on to someone else. Sometimes people just stay together out of habit and fear of dating. I think a lot of people nowadays are in lust they get with somebody then move on to the next one a lot of times without assessing why that previous relationship failed. They just move to the next person and never think to look at themselves as being the issue or why they attract certain people. Then they don’t take time to heal from a break up they just date someone new within days of breaking up with their partner. As for attraction it is important but people focus too much on physical or sexual attraction that is why they get bored and fall out of “love” they chose to focus on the wrong attraction instead of the mental and spiritual attraction/ compatibility. Someone can make u stare for a few minutes because of their beauty but having a good conversation with someone holds ur attention for hours.

        Like

      • truthangel07 says:

        BRAVO! You hit it right on the head. Amen!

        Like

  5. Well, it’s that time of year at the job where a lot of seasonal workers come in. This year for some reason we have a lot of Black women. I’m in the Atlanta metro area, and I don’t know if that’s the difference or not, but we have a situation here. Let just leave it at that as to not offend. We gotta give our boys something to marry. Sorry, but that’s just the big and small of it. And that road is a two way street.

    Like

  6. Great post! This is very well written!

    Like

  7. yeah it’s important for children to see their parents loving toward each other. Also divorce is another thing that can play into why some people don’t want to get married they saw their parents split and think what’s the point in getting married if it might end like this. I’ll also add not just being married to the child’s father but being self confident and not saying negative things about your features. How many times have we heard our mothers, grandmothers, aunts, say negative things about their hair or skin, that can rub off on the kids too, and they think well something is wrong with me since I came from her I need to be with someone that is the opposite of me or doesn’t have these “ugly” features. I see people that have both parents and their parents are still together that are with other women, so it’s not just the father being around but both parents validating the child and their unique beauty and features. Even then the kid can have some self hate about their features and want someone that is “better” looking. All of my uncles on my mom’s side are married or dating black women they grew up without a father but their environment is a black neighborhood which I think also plays a significant role in who people date/marry. But yes kids are more balanced when they have QUALITY parents that can at least get along and be around each other and the kids.

    Like

  8. callmekinky says:

    ‘If you want your sons to marry Black women–it’s most proactive to perhaps to think about becoming wives before becoming mothers.’- Great point. However, I believe responsibility lies with the man and woman.

    Like

  9. Adeen says:

    I agree but how come Black single mothers don’t marry the fathers of their children? That is what I wonder. I think it is sad that 72% of Black children are born out of wedlock because it is teaching young, Black males that Black women can’t be loved or wanted by men. And it isn’t good that most Black boys grow up with a father because they wouldn’t know how it is like to be a man without a man around to teach them.

    How about the Black girls?

    They need their fathers too especially in their teenage years when boys take interest in them and want to take advantage of them. I know this because I am a Black girl myself but I haven’t fallen victim to any Black male advances yet because I focus on school.

    Like

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