This new year, I’ve been thinking about a lot of things and I have to say, that when I decided to move to Georgia in 2004; I was at a crossroad, and thought at the time, that going home would actually be a good thing–even though…I really didn’t want to leave Chicago, the city where I was raised. Georgia was my birthplace but I never felt close to it–there was no spiritual connection and I wondered if I could get with “being in the south.” Knowing full well what that would mean.
And just what was that? For starters, I knew I’d have to “be nice”. If you’re from the south, you know what I’m talking about: Southerners have this thing where it’s nice to smile, say, “Hey”, Love your mama, dismiss the bad ways of your relatives, always greet strangers–whether you know them or not, tolerate nosy people, don’t talk too much, love good food, eat at everybody’s country boil, go to church, be kind to the elderly, mind your manners, but Oh! Don’t you dare tell people what you think. Uh-uh. You’ll then get branded. They’ll call you biggidy (southern colloquialism for insolence) A misnomer of course for the educated. Being direct is not rude if it’s in line with a simple response to a question; however, in the south, where it was expected for “certain folks” to “know their place”; being too blunt was dangerous. Especially for Black people. Of course…for those who’ve read my blog; I’M A SINNER, and guilty as charged. And I will not apologize for that.
Truth is very important and I live it every single day.
One of the reasons why so many people down here don’t like too much truth is because they are ashamed of being transparent. They like to front big time. Being liked is something that most southerners have to have in their lives or they can’t function. Seriously, criticism is very serious and having a good reputation is an addiction. Many live lies in order to appease those who judge. And just who are the judges? They are just regular people who seem to think their opinion and approval matters. One word against you could close many doors and southerners do not want to risk that. Respectability is very important to most. But seeking favor of other human beings is a sign of dysfunction within an individual. It says that you are not free in your mind and are not confident in being true self.
Why does society allow folks–who really shouldn’t matter to you at all…to dictate how you live.
I feel this is one of the paramount reasons why there is so much isolation and dysfunction in our society. When you don’t feel accepted, you do things that will get the recognition you crave–and that means even doing things that are questionable to have what the “special people” say you should have in order to be considered among the favored.
This is a recipe for disaster.
Those who seek likability with everyone will always know pain.
You have to take control of your life and decide that no matter what anyone thinks; you are still valued–and most important: YOU VALUE YOURSELF.